Sex is amazing. It’s fun, it’s healthy for you and it will make you feel like Leonardo DiCaprio in that “king of the world” Titanic scene. If not better. However, being one of Malta’s least talked about subjects makes it a little bit confusing and scary for most.
Not talking about this stuff not only makes it terrifying for some to say the least, but also dangerous AF.
So we’ve decided to give you a super short sex-ed lesson, just in case, you still manage all the horribly false myths that still manage to dominate many Maltese people’s perceptions.
1. You can get pregnant every single time you have sex
OK, so strictly speaking this is total BS.
A woman’s cycle is around 28 days long, and during those 28 days you have like, a seven-ish day fertile window. Meaning that during those seven days you totally can get pregnant.
However, do keep in mind that sperm can live in the uterus for up to five days or so, meaning that if you have sex five days prior to your fertile window, you’re still in the chance to get knocked up by one of those guys. Balla maths bro.
2. Contraceptives are 100% safe
No sweetie, no contraceptive is 100% safe.
The contraceptive pill (which comes with a bunch of undesirable side effects) is the most effective one, and that’s a whopping 99% effectiveness.
However, it doesn’t protect you from any STDs or STIs. Its effectiveness is only matched by the contraceptive injection, IUS, the patch, IUD and contraceptive implants.
Condoms are great at protecting you from STIs and STDs, however they’re only like, 95% effective if used correctly.
3. You can poke an unborn baby’s head with your huge penis
Dear men, no matter how ginormous you think your trouser meat is, you are definitely never, ever, ever going to infiltrate the cervix and mucus plug, trust us.
4. Women don’t need to orgasm in order to get pregnant
A bunch of hormones are released during the female orgasm which help in assisting implantation. So not only is it super fun to get one, but it’s also hella good if you’re trying to conceive.
Get to work ejja.
5. Women bleed when they lose their virginity
Oh lord Jesus take the wheel.
Some women do bleed, but the majority don’t. The hymen is an extremely fragile and papery piece of skin which is super easy to break.
Most times, this flappy bit of skin is broken through other activities such as sports, and that rarely causes any form of pain or blood loss.
6. Vaseline is a great lubricant
This shit is super difficult to clean off after sex and it sets the perfect environment for harmful bacteria to set up camp in your bod. Which means it makes it way easier for you to get an infection.
If you’re combining vaseline with condoms, beware. Petroleum jelly is known to decrease condom strength, meaning that they will break easily, potentially resulting in unwanted pregnancies and – God forbid – STDs.
Just invest in a good water-based lube already, people.
7. You can catch STDs from toilet seats
Shut up mom, it’s not true.
Most viruses die quickly if they’re outside the body. These guys will die so quickly that it’s virtually impossible to catch an infection via toilet seats.
Fine, it’s always a good idea to clean that restroom seat prior to using it, nobody likes sitting on a stranger’s pee.
But you definitely won’t get chlamydia just by sitting butt-naked on a previously used toilet seat.
8. Oral sex is 100% safe
Nope. No. No. Have you ever heard of herpes? I rest my case.
9. Too much sex will make a woman loose
Listen, vaginas are magical AF. They’re the unicorns of the human body. Those nifty pleasureholes are incredibly elastic, meaning that no matter how much sex you have, or how well endowed your partner (or toy) is, it will return to its original size right afterwards.
Think of the vagina as a super beautiful Stretch Armstrong.
Oh, and while we’re at it, giving birth will not affect your size ladies. After some time, your funhole will return to its normal size.
Do you know anyone who really needs this list? Tag them in the comments below
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