Having dreadlocks as a Maltese human being is kinda like having a “Judge Me” sign on your head.
Between having all types of random shit thought about you, you’ll be asked the weirdest questions, leading you to wonder whether these people have actually been out of Malta or if their sole experience of the alternative world begins and ends at Earthgarden.
As dumb as the questions can be, they can sometimes come from a place of sheer curiosity – but they still need to stop, unless you want your be-dreaded friend to think you’re an asshole.
Here’s a list of shit you need to stop asking people with dreads.
1. “Do you use beer to make them?”
2. “Do they itch?”
Yes Jan, I spend my entire day just scratching my head to look this good.
3. “Madonna kemm iniggżu”
So do your words 🙁
4. “How long have you had them for? And you never cut them??”
Bitch, have you seen your nails?
5. “Will you have them forever?”
Yes, I’ve basically planned my entire life according to a hairstyle.
6. “Don’t you feel too warm in summer?”
Only from the blushing I’m experiencing on behalf of your cringe-y questions.
7. “Tħobbu l-Bob Malllii?”
Followed by “hemm xi nifs jew?“
8. “How can you find work? Do you work? What kind of work can you even do with that hair?”
Beyond professional surfer, not much.
9. “Do you use shampoo?”
Nope, the power of Gaia flows through our bare feet and cleanses the soul… and the scalp.
10. “Allura, int hippie?”
If you’ve ever asked this to another person, it says more about you than it does about them.
11. Them: “Can I touch?”
Me: “Are your hands clean?”
Them, offended: “Why would you ask that?”
12. “So, how do you remove them to go to sleep?”
There’s a latch mechanism about 3/4s of the way down.
BONUS: “How do you swim?”
I use my dreads as a propellor.
Tag someone who has definitely heard this shit before
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